Zach Galifianakis used his gift for bizarre humor to wring as many laughs as possible out of this week's "Saturday Night Live," but with a lot of hit and miss sketches and a weak Weekend Update, "SNL" seemed to drag on way too long. Musical guest Jessie J was a bit hit and miss herself, though she at least livened things up on the stage and didn't rely on auto-tune.
The cold open gave us Kenan Thompson as Greg Gumbel and Jason Sudeikis as Jim Nantz for Sunday Selection. The sports commentators were going to discuss not March Madness, but actual madness. The brackets were divided into four sections of crazy: North Africa, Middle East, Washington D.C. and Hollywood. Of course a heavy favorite was Charlie Sheen, who did "in two weeks what it took Michael Jackson 15 years to do." Bill Hader, clutching a smoking cigarette and giving the camera the crazy eye, did a much better Sheen impression than last week. A highlight of the segment was Andy Samberg doing a hilariously exuberant Dick Vitale impression: "I ask a lot of rhetorical questions, baby!"
Zach's monologue was the highlight of the night, full of self-effacing and surreal humor. He started with a little casual dialogue, about things like his stand-up DVD selling like "whatever the opposite of hotcakes is." He also talked about wearing Axe body spray, "but I live in a black neighborhood, where it's called "Ask body spray. And if you don't get that joke, then you're not racist." The best, most freaky funny part was when he talked about staying positive about the future, despite all the problems in the world. He then lip-synced "Tomorrow" and stripped down to reveal Annie's trademark red and white dress--all while paging through messages on a large display board like "Iran, Iraq and North Ikea--what to do? Dukakis 2012." He flashed his underwear, made absurd jokes, and his last message to a round of enthusiastic applause was: "Looks like fatty did OK."
Next up was a parody of "The Talk" with Kristen Wiig as Julie Chen, Abby Elliot as Leah Remini, Nasim Pedrad as Sharon Osbourne and Vanessa Bayer as Sara Gilbert. The sketch wasn't the best, particularly because making fun of irritating women can also be irritating. There were a few good lines, like "I thought this would be a good show," Gilbert confesses, "instead of being like a book club where no ones' read the book--or any books." Zach appeared as an irate audience member who thought he was attending a screening of "The View." The highlight was probably Kenan as Whoopi Goldberg suddenly appearing on the panel: "I just go wherever I'm dropped off!"
"Saturday Night Live" then gave us one of those sketches that eventually pushed a joke hard enough, and with enough cast members, that it finally started to get funny. It was an ad for the "Kings of Catchphrase Comedy," with comedians using nonsense catch phrases like "beef jelly!" and "funky boy." Zach's comedian used an air horn--seemingly as his entire act. The biggest laughs came from Seth Meyers in a blue velvet jacket, ruffled shirt and baseball cap as "Boston Powers" and Jason Sudeikis in a yellow and black plaid suit, cursing up a storm as "White Bernie Mac."
The "SNL" gang rolled out the Scared Straight sketch next, with Jason Sudeikis in charge of three hooligans played by Bill, Andy, and Bobby Moynihan. Lorenzo Macintosh (Kenan) wheeled in a strapped-in Hannibal Lector-esque cannibal named Larry Bernstein (Zach.) Lorenzo's tales of his life as a criminal turned out to be popular movie plots--that they turned into sexual innuendos about prison life like "You won't be home alone, you'll be gettin' boned!" and "There won't be any Colin Firth; they'll be entering you colon first!" Once again, this is one of those sketches that gets funnier as it descends into madness, with Lorenzo physically attacking the guys and Cannibal Bernstein marching up and down in his strait-jacket exclaiming "I wanna eat them, I wanna eat them!"
Possibly even better than the monologue was Zach interviewing kids for a job as his assistant. It's the kind of stuff you can't make up, as the children answered Zach's goofy questions honestly, like "Usher's Justin Bieber's dad, right?" -- "No, they're from two different countries" and "Do your feet smell?" -- "Sometimes, like for a week and a half, but then it goes away." The kids were adorable, and Zach's insanity confused and amused them as he used a stapler as a telephone and tried several different fart noises to see which one was funniest. The kid who got the job was a curly red-haired boy who offered to cheer Zach up by telling him how good-looking he is and how great his beard is. Smart kid. He should go far in this business.
"Saturday Night Live" musical guest Jessie J is apparently the next big thing in Britain (and a songwriter for artists like Justin Timberlake and Miley Cyrus), but she's still relatively unknown in the U.S. Singing "Price Tag" with B.o.B., Jessie J displayed she definitely has some pipes, but it was an odd performance from this gorgeous gal in a bob haircut, leather top and lace brocade skinny pants. Teetering on impossibly high wedge platforms as she wiggled to the music, Jessie bounced from singing to rapping to sing-rapping to belting to Betty-Boop squeaking, finished off with a series of vocal runs. I kept expecting the "American Idol" judges to come out and tell her to "find her lane" and stick to it, to make the most of her talent.
The bad news of the night was that Weekend Update wasn't particularly funny. Seth was straining to get laughs with the news, and there wasn't much to get excited over with Kristen's Julie Taymor or Andy Samberg's "teenager who just woke up." The best joke of the night was about Las Vegas creating a new series of adult-themed swimming pools that "will have DJs, topless dancers and never enough chlorine."
Next was a weird and intermittently funny sketch with Zach and Kristen as parents trying to tell their kids about the death of their beloved dog Noodles. This became increasingly difficult as the kids questioned their gradually escalating bizarre lies about the cause of Noodles' end: "The Latin Kings haven't been active in this area for years!" Finally Zach burst out that it was auto-erotic asphyxiation--"He'd tighten his collar and then lick himself dry!" The proof was in the doggie porn found next to him: "Puggs magazine." This would have been the perfect note to end on, but then "SNL" inexplicably had a doctor bring back the dog--who had apparently only been in a coma--and then Kenan did a voiceover as the dog.
We got into the long stretch at the end of the night with Canadian "Celebrity Scoop," where there were a lot of "Ohs" and "yeahs" and no one was mean or privacy-invading. Mostly this went nowhere, but there were a few mild chuckles for the fashion segment showing two celebrities wearing the same dress called "They both look nice!" and the entrance of the producer--who was a moose wearing a headset.
Jessie J hit the "Saturday Night Live" stage again with "Mamma Knows Best," and this was a tighter pop number infused with plenty of soulful R&B vocals. The strange kind of graceless Frankenstein moves in a red teddy and thigh high stockings was an odd combination with the powerful singing, but that along with the bit of crazy-eyed enthusiasm gives her a definite unique flavor.
We got a few late night snorts for the spoof on the pro-corn syrup commercials, with two suburban moms getting into a tiff over what's healthiest for their kids. "Hmm," Nasim's party host muses, "trust scientists, or stay-at home mom Sheila from down the street who's having wine at 10am." After Sheila (Kristen) is verbally beaten into submission, we're introduced to Nasim's corn-syrup loving young daughter (Bobby) who's got some serious plumber's crack showing above her too-tight stretch pants.
The night ended dismally with Zach and Bill as the captain and owner of the Titanic, dressed as women on one of the lifeboats, arguing with all the ladies over their cowardice. The punchline was that it was a sketch in honor of National Women's Day. Definitely bottom of the barrel.
Finally, after what seemed like one of the longest shows in "SNL" history, the cast took to the stage for final bows. Zach had his hair shaved into a mohawk, and apologized for running out of time for the "Mr. T sketch." He then had to improvise some banter, because the show had run a little short. Everyone on the stage looked more subdued than usual, and it reflected the uneven comedy of the night. Though there were some true comedic gems thanks to Zach Galifianakis, overall the show just wasn't firing on all cylinders.
New episodes of "Saturday Night Live" return with Elton John and Leon Russell on April 2, at 11:30 pm ET.